


we'll float on, good news is on the way

by zach_stone



Series: "Dude, can you cool it with the phone talk?" - Texting AU fics [5]
Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/F, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 05:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13000926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zach_stone/pseuds/zach_stone
Summary: The one and only (as far as I know) Until Dawn texting fic series is back with yes, even more texts from Chris's phone during the year Sam is away. People break up, people get together, Josh makes a movie, memes are shared, Mike makes an ass of himself time and time again.(Check out the rest of the series first!)Title from Float On by Modest Mouse





	we'll float on, good news is on the way

**Author's Note:**

> WOWZA i'm back! it's been.... more than a year since i updated this series, and believe it or not i've been working on this new chapter for uhhh pretty much that entire time tbh. the result is this very long, VERY ridiculous installment. it's less climbing class focused and more group-centric than the past fics, and it's a little more shitpost-y than before too. half of these jokes/convos are based on real life convos in my group chat with two of my friends, so idk if anyone else will find this shit funny but... sierra, this is all for u. 
> 
> also, i added timestamps to the chat logs bc i see other texting fics do that and i liked the concept! 
> 
> ANYWAY i hope you enjoy!!! xoxo

**10:15 am**

**Group Chat: Squad**

 

**joshington <3: ** heyyyy who loves me 

**jess:** wtf do u want josh

**joshington <3: ** RUDE   
fair enough tho lmao    
so who wants to help me and chris move 

**lady em:** lol u wild… wyd tho 

**ash:** i wish i could but i have to wash my cat 

**prez munroe:** i cant read suddenly 

**joshington <3: ** fake    
beth, hannah, help me pls im ur brother u have to 

**betharoni:** ehhh 

**chris:** hey beth remember how i love you so much and you’re my favorite washington? 

**betharoni:** aww love u    
yeah sure han and i will help 

**chris:** <33 

**joshington <3: ** WOW    
none of u are allowed in our SWEET NEW HOME for being so fake and rude 

**hannah banana:** i did NOTHING wrong i demand house privileges 

**joshington <3: ** ok thats fair

**matt:** hey guys! do u still need help? i can ask for work off to come over!! 

**chris:** matthew…. you sweet, sweet boy….. you gift from above…….

**matt:** aight chill weirdo   
its so cool that u guys have ur own house now like wtf 

**chris:** i know right lmao it’s so Adult 

**lady em:** well i mean josh is old as fuck so it makes sense

**joshington <3: ** what the fuck im literally one year older than u 

**lady em:** sure thing gramps

**joshington <3: ** i will block ur number i s2g 

**lady em:** do it punk 

**joshington <3 has been removed from the group**

**lady em has been removed from the group**

**chris:** jesus christ

**ash:** what the heck 

**chris:** it doesn’t let you stay in groups with users you’ve blocked so it took them both out of the chat lmfao 

**jess:** no chill omg 

**matt:** ….so do u still need help moving or what

**chris:** YEAH bring pizza too maybe xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

**matt:** ur pushing ur luck but ok 

**chris:** XOXOXOXOXO!!!! 

\--

**8:23 pm**

**Group Chat: Matt, Prez Munroe, Chris, Joshington <3**

 

**prez munroe has changed the group name to We Dem Boyz**

 

**matt:** what

**prez munroe:** everything sux :( 

**matt:** again i ask: what 

**prez munroe:** jess broke up w/ me :( :( :( :( :( :( 

**chris:** aw no, dude, that sucks!!! 

**joshington <3: ** rip 

**matt:** did she say why??? 

**prez munroe:** no but idk i think she might like someone else    
i dont know for sure but i just have a hunch yknow?? 

**matt:** oh man really??? who do u think it is? 

**prez munroe:** i dont know!!!! im like the hottest guy she knows, who could she possibly dump me for?????

**joshington <3: ** not to mention ur the most humble guy she knows too 

**prez munroe:** leave me ALONE im grieving 

**chris:** want us to come get you and we can go get drunk or something

**prez munroe:** PLZ 

**chris:** ok be there in 15…. hang in there my dude 

**matt:** zoom zoom 

\--

**10:44 pm**

**Message Thread: Matt**

 

**chris:** where are you 

**matt:** im w/ mike in the bathroom   
hes uhhhh compromised at the moment

**chris:** lmao what does that mean    
omg are you guys hooking up

**matt:** LMFAO NO    
CHILL DUDE HES JUST PUKING    
i was trying to be delicate 

**chris:** smooth   
ok well josh and i are still at the booth   
oops jk josh is gone

**matt:** where did he go

**chris:** lol idk 

**matt:** …..should u go find him or

**chris:** he’s an adult he’ll be fine   
actually what am i talking about he’s JOSH i need to find him before he ends up with a lampshade on his head or something   
there aren’t even lamps in here but he’ll find one just to put the shade on his head

**matt:** didnt he do that last time we went to a bar

**chris:** exactly my point

**matt:** u ever feel like we’re friends w/ a bunch of drunken children

**chris:** couldn’t agree with ya more 

\--

**3:12 am**

**Group Chat: We Dem Boyz**

 

**prez munroe:** do yuo think chickens have feeligns

**joshington <3: ** obviosuly dude chris has feelings all the time

**chris:** WOW

**matt:** HAHAHA   
#roasted

**joshington <3: ** roast chicken HAHAH

**prez munroe:** im cryIGN

**matt:** yes we know we’re literally sitting in the same lyft w/ u   
the driver is giving us weird looks u gotta stop

**chris:** i hate it when mike and josh get drunk together bc they become best friends and it’s weird

**prez munroe:** dont be jealous chicken man

**joshington <3: ** ur the only one for me babey

**prez munroe:** josh i lvoe you but im straight

**joshington <3: ** i was talkgin to CHICKEN MAN

**matt:** why are y’all BOTH crying now

**joshington <3: ** bc we love chicken man   
and u too matthw

**matt:** thank

**chris:** i’m about to jump into traffic

**prez munroe:** omg like the joke….

**joshington <3: ** why did the chiekn cross the ROAD

**chris:** ENOUGH

\--

**11:03 am**

**Group Chat: We Dem Boyz**

 

**chris:** goooood morning my dudes 

**prez munroe:** :( 

**chris:** still bummed out, huh

**prez munroe:** i think i lost my watch at the bar :( it was really expensive :(    
fUCK i just remembered jess and i broke up    
EVERYTHING SUX ALL THE TIME 

**joshington <3: ** no offense but why am i on mike’s kitchen floor 

**chris:** omfg i was wondering where you went 

**joshington <3: ** that explains nothing

**chris:** you and i were sleeping in mike’s bedroom and you got up for some reason like an hour ago

**prez munroe:** wait wtf why are u guys in my bedroom???? why am i on the couch???? in my own home?!?!? 

**chris:** you were drunk as hell last night dude    
and we didn’t want to sleep on the couch    
¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

**prez munroe:** unbelievable    
u guys didnt fuck in my bed right

**chris:** lmao no josh was plastered he fell asleep immediately   
hey where’s matt 

**prez munroe:** hes asleep in my armchair

**joshington <3: ** i still dont understand why im on the kitchen floor

**chris:** we may never know 

**joshington <3: ** tragic

**prez munroe:** can i wake up matt and make him make us breakfast 

**chris:** that’s rude    
especially considering he was like your babysitter all night   
also he’s the only one who didn’t call me “chicken man” last night   
let the poor boy sleep

**joshington <3: ** CHICKEN MAN

**prez munroe:** ok i see what ur saying and everything but consider: matt makes bomb-ass pancakes 

**joshington <3: ** wake him up 

**prez munroe:** hell fuckin yeah 

**matt:** >:( 

\--

**9:13 am**

**Group Chat: Squad**

 

**chris:** i hate my stupid job 

**ash:** oh no what happened???

**chris:** ok you guys remember me telling you about my coworker john? the really irritating guy with the weird mustache?

**lady em:** unfortunately. 

**chris:** this morning he comes up to my cubicle, and i’m wearing a tie today bc i have a meeting, right? normally i just wear a polo or whatever

**betharoni:** not that i’m not loving the insight to ur truly unfortunate fashion sense but what is the point of this story

**chris:** i’m GETTING there sheesh   
so john comes up and goes “what’s with the noose?” and then cracks up like he’s just told the funniest joke of all time

**jess:** im screaming bye

**joshington <3: ** chris i love u but u have no room 2 judge, ur favorite joke is abt a calculator

**chris:** boy if you don’t 

**ash:** oh god that joke…

**hannah banana:** i was going to buy a pocket calculator

**betharoni:** but then i thought…

**joshington <3: ** who cares how many pockets i have!!

**jess:** who cares how many pockets i have !!!

**lady em:** who cares how many pockets i have!

**chris:** oh my god   
you are all AWFUL

**ash:** i can’t believe you all sent that at the same time

**matt:** im screaming what did i just come into 

**chris:** hell   
ANYWAY i looked john dead in the eye and said “it’s because i want to die” 

**matt:** dude. 

**chris:** it was worth the inevitable call from hr to get him to go away tbh

**lady em:** why don’t u just quit then 

**chris:** because then i will be a broke bitch and i can’t have that

**joshington <3: ** yeah hes my sugar daddy until my movie wins this festival & i become famous

**ash:** 1\. gross. 2. when do you find out about the festival??

**joshington <3: ** not for a few more weeks :/ and thats just if it got in, idk if it wins until like. december lmfao. 

**betharoni:** it’s a really good movie, josh

**hannah banana:** yeah i believe in you 100%!!!

**joshington:** :’) love my family 

**prez munroe:** hewwo everyone what are we talking about 

**lady em removed prez munroe from the group**

**lady em:** i tolerate a lot   
but i have limits

**ash:** OMG ajslfjslf 

**lady em:** no furry speak in my lobby 

**chris:** wait what

**matt:** chris…

**chris:** hewwo is a furry thing? :( 

**jess:** CHRIS

**chris:** i thought it was cute

**lady em removed chris from the group**

**matt:** another one bites the dust

\--

**9:35 am**

**Message Thread: Prez Munroe**

 

**prez munroe:** add me back to the groupchat wtf

**chris:** i can’t

**prez munroe:** why not???!?!!?

**chris:** i got kicked out too 

**prez munroe:** omfg what why

**chris:** i didn’t know hewwo was a furry thing

**prez munroe:** so THATS why i got booted??   
this is some bullshit   
no one kicks josh out for using that :3c face 

**chris:** wait that’s a furry thing too?

**prez munroe:** …….christopher   
god help u 

\--

**6:15 pm**

**Group Chat: Jess, Betharoni, Chris**

 

**jess:** hey

**chris:** hey??? this is an interesting group chat combo

**betharoni:** whats up jess? 

**jess:** um   
ok so like   
u guys are gay 

**betharoni:** u got me there

**chris:** i’m bi but like yeah sure continue

**jess:** right sorry i knew that    
i think. um. gosh this is hard to say for some reason???

**betharoni:** jess, are u trying to tell us u think maybe ur not straight?

**jess:** ...yes?   
i think i might be bi 

**chris:** omg! welcome 2 tha CLUB 

**betharoni:** aw jess! <3 we support u 100%, thanks for trusting us!

**jess:** :’) thanks guys

**chris:** is that why you broke up with mike?

**jess:** yeah. i guess i just like. needed space to figure this out? 

and i wasnt sure how he would take it tbh

**chris:** i mean, definitely do what you think is best but mike cares about you, jess. i don’t think this would change that

**jess:** sure but hes always making like lowkey homophobic remarks 

**betharoni:** yeah that boy’s got some toxic masculinity to unpack for sure

**chris:** ok yeah that’s fair

**jess:** theres uhhh something else too   
i kinda sorta maybe   
have feelings for a girl

**betharoni:** !!!!!!

**chris:** :0 are you willing to…. share more…… 

**betharoni:** omg chris ur such a gossip hoe 

**chris:** maybe_so.gif

**jess:** ANYWAYS its emily ok and ive been lowkey repressing my feelings for her for years but i gotta live my truth

**betharoni:** well em has been doing that Independent Single Woman thing for a while now   
and i’m like 99% sure shes not straight so!! u have a chance if u want it i think 

**jess:** ya i think i do too but do u think that would fuck up the group dynamic???

**chris:** lbr everyone is always dating everyone else in our friend group and somehow we’ve all survived this far so i think it will be ok 

**jess:** ok!!! thank u guys i love u both ur my fave gays 

**betharoni:** we won’t tell sam or josh u said that    
love u jess <3 

**chris:** love you!!!!! 

\--

**6:42 pm**

**Message Thread: Betharoni**

 

**chris:** i’m shook 

**betharoni:** i’m not tbh i saw this coming yeeeears ago

**chris:** were your gay senses tingling 

**betharoni:** they always are 

\--

**3:16 am**

**Group Chat: Squad**

 

**joshington <3: ** “Round Earth doctrine is little more than an elaborate hoax” 

**matt:** it is 3 in the fuckign morning im trying to sleep

**lady em:** what the fuck is that josh 

**chris:** josh and i have been deep in the flat earth wiki for like 2 hours   
idk who i am anymore

**joshington <3: ** my third eye has been opened

**ash:** don’t these ppl know if the earth was flat i would have flung myself off the edge by now

**joshington <3: ** no the edge is surrounded by glaciers or some shit to keep the ocean from falling off    
dont u know geography

**ash:** oh of course 

**lady em:** i hate this and you 

**chris:** the truth is out there, em

**lady em:** how does night and day work on this flat earth 

**joshington <3: ** look @ this  [ https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DP1lbdAW0AsEOSv.jpg ](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DP1lbdAW0AsEOSv.jpg)

**ash:** wow the sun is actually a desk lamp, who knew

**matt:** can y’all pls just go to bed

**prez munroe:** wtf   
guys im freaking out what if this is true

**chris:** it is true, mike

**joshington <3: ** It’s The Most Important Truth In Your Life

**joshington <3 changed the group name to Flat Earth Society**

**prez munroe:** im scared 

**lady em:** jesus fucking christ michael

**matt:** GO TO SLEEP I’M BEGGING 

**\--**

**6:25 am**

**Group Chat: Flat Earth Society**

 

**matt:** had 2 get up at like 6am and its still fucking dark out why this

**joshington <3: ** its bc the earth is flat

**matt:** shit u right

**prez munroe:** IS IT?!

**lady em:** i have had Enough

**lady em removed prez munroe from the group**

**joshington <3: ** mm whatcha say 

\--

**1:20 pm**

**Message Thread: Joshington <3**

 

**joshington <3: ** CHRISTOPHERRR WHY ARENT U ANSWERING UR PHONEEEE

**chris:** i’m at work!!!!! are you ok?

**joshington <3: ** YA    
GUESS WHAT   
MY FILM GOT INTO THE FESTIVAL!!!!!! 

**chris:** OMG!!!!!   
dude that’s amazing i’m so proud of you!! 

**joshington <3: ** thank u <3 im so happy

**chris:** what time slot did you get? 

**joshington <3: ** its on the last night, saturday! 

**chris:** omg that means sam will be home from china by then! she can come to the showing!

**joshington <3: ** YES   
everythings coming up washington   
anyway sorry 4 bothering u at work im sure ur doing somethin very Important

**chris:** tbh i’m just chillin   
eating some applesauce

**joshington <3: ** wow 

**chris:** it be like that sometimes

**joshington <3: ** omg    
well ok i will leave u to ur sauce

**chris:** my sAUCE asjsdlkf   
ok yeah see you at home!!!! congrats again i love you lots

**joshington <3: ** peace out homie

\--

**6:37 pm**

**Group Chat: Flat Earth Society**

 

**jess:** hello everyone i have something i would like to tell u all

**matt:** are u ok?

**jess:** yes im fine <3 im really great actually

**lady em:** :) 

**betharoni:** oh boy i think i know what this is

**jess:** well, two things! first, im bi

**ash:** oh! cool, welcome to the club

**chris:** omg that’s what i said when she told me

**ash:** #twinning

**matt:** whoa, well congrats on coming out, jess! <3 

**hannah banana:** we love you jess!

**jess:** aw love yall too <3

**ash:** what’s the second thing?

**lady em:** can i say it?

**jess:** yeah sure babe

**matt:** “babe”?

**lady em:** well now you ruined it   
jess and i are dating

**ash:** whoa

**matt:** !!!!

**betharoni:** called it

**joshington <3: ** omg u guys totally copied us w/ the best friends to lovers thing   
that is mine and chris’s trope how dare u

**lady em:** you are literally so annoying 

**matt:** does uhhh mike know about this   
just wondering

**prez munroe:** yeah they talked to me about it already   
i mean im not gonna lie i am sad but its chill   
but also like damn am i the only straight person in our friend group?

**hannah banana:** i’m straight!

**matt:** our token straight friends

**joshington <3: ** two hets is Enough 

**\--**

**2:32 am**

**Group Chat: We Dem Boyz**

 

**prez munroe:** fat nuts fandom    
grab ur fat fucking nuts    
and slap

**matt:** i was going to yell at u for waking me up at 2:30am but uhh   
What The Fuck Mike

**chris:** i wish god had never given me eyes

**prez munroe:** can i change our gc name to fat nuts fandom

**chris:** absolutely Not

**joshington <3: ** im crying mike wtf

**matt:** mike are u having a nervous breakdown rn 

**prez munroe:** I SAW IT ON TUMBLR 

**matt:** so thats a yes   
why tf do u even have a tumblr

**prez munroe:** fuck u guys this is peak comedy 

**chris:** it definitely isn’t but ok 

**joshington <3: ** its pretty funny tbh 

**prez munroe:** pls let it be the gc name

**chris:** NO

**joshington <3 changed the group name to f** n*** fandom**

**joshington <3: ** sometimes u must compromise in this world

**matt:** chris pls control ur man

**chris:** this is still bad

**prez munroe:** josh is the only one in this stupid groupchat who supports me

**matt:** that aint something to be proud of 

**joshington <3: ** WOW disrespect 

**chris removed joshington <3 and prez munroe from the group**

**chris changed the group name to Wholesome Boys**

**chris:** desperate times, desperate measures

**matt:** harsh but effective

\--

**12:10 pm**

**Group Chat: Flat Earth Society**

 

**ash:** hey josh, should we dress up tonight for the showing of your movie?

**joshington <3: ** i mean im gonna but u guys dont have to

**lady em:** i will never turn down an opportunity to look good

**jess:** u always look good, baby <3

**lady em:** <3 

**prez munroe:** Interesting 

**lady em:** :-) 

**betharoni:** hey!!! lets go over the plan for today one more time

**chris:** must we

**betharoni:** Yes   
so sam’s flight lands at 5!! and josh’s film showing is at 8:30   
hannah and i are getting sammy from the airport   
and then we will meet the rest of u at dinner at 6   
then we will all head to the movie at 7:30

**matt:** sounds good! 

**hannah banana:** my best friend coming back AND my brother’s movie playing on the big screen?? today is the best day ever :3

**chris:** hannah is too pure for this world  

**\--**

**5:27 pm**

**Group Chat: Flat Earth Society**

 

**sammy:** ahem

**chris:** SAM!!!!!

**ash:** OMG sam is here!!!!! hi sam!!!!!!!!

**joshington <3: ** welcome home sammy!

**sammy:** HI EVERYONE   
um why is the gc name flat earth society

**prez munroe:** bc we’ve all been indoctrinated our whole lives into thinking the earth is round   
but its a conspiracy, samantha   
i’ll explain it all to u at dinner 

**sammy:** oh lord   
josh did you do this

**joshington <3: ** :3c 

**chris:** trust me, as far as gc names go it could be Much Worse

**matt:** much, much worse   
also hi sam

**sammy:** you’re all so weird   
i missed you guys so much

**lady em:** stop i’m going to shed a tear

**jess:** can’t wait to see u soon sam! <3 

\--

**10:40 am**

**Group Chat: Flat Earth Society**

 

**jess:** [Image attached]   
in case anyone wanted to save the group pic i took last night!!!

**matt:** we all look so cute

**sammy:** wow you almost can’t tell that i’d been thru international travel all day until you look into my dead eyes

**prez munroe:** wtf i blinked

**chris:** why does my smile look Like That

**ash:** yeah tbh chris u are making a really weird face there   
your teeth look…. weird

**matt:** they look like tic tacs

**chris:** SHUT UP

**joshington <3: ** OK GUYS THEY ANNOUNCE THE WINNERS OF THE FESTIVAL TONIGHT   
im shitting myself

**hannah banana:** U GOT THIS, BIG BRO!!!!

**betharoni:** we gonna be poppin bottles tonight i know it 

**joshington <3: ** hhhhh we’ll see

\--

**2:35 pm**

**Message Thread: Sammy**

 

**chris:** i miss you binch 

**sammy:** i miss you too chicken man

**chris:** HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT

**sammy:** matt told me last night ajsdlkjs   
it’s now your contact name in my phone

**chris:** this is BULLYING i’m calling 911

**sammy:** so dramatic   
anyway what’s up

**chris:** nm just wanted to know if you wanna to go get ice cream w/ me or something    
bc i miss you and we didn’t talk too much last night!

**sammy:** aww chris i love you   
unfortunately……. i refuse to leave my bed for the next 6 hrs and that is only because when josh inevitably wins tonight we gotta go pop bottles at your place

**chris:** why are you so lame

**sammy:** listen,,,,, i traveled for 15 hrs yesterday don’t EVEN play

**chris:** OK TRUE

**sammy:** if you want you can come join me in my very comfy bed and we can watch a movie 

**chris:** YES   
snuggle time BINCH

**sammy:** stop calling me binch 

**chris:** snuggle time BONCH

**sammy:** you’re uninvited

**chris:** that’s fair

\--

**8:32 pm**

**Group Chat: Flat Earth Society**

 

**joshington <3 changed the group name to Director of Award-Winning Best Horror Film “Until Daybreak” (and friends)**

 

**lady em:** boy that chat name is too long   
BUT DOES THIS MEAN

**joshington <3: ** YA BOY WON BEST FILM

**ash:** YAY JOSH!!

**betharoni:** WE POPPIN BOTTLES BINCHES!!!

**sammy:** i knew you’d win, josh!!!!! congratulations!

**jess:** wow i love my talented best friends

**chris:** Wow I Love My Talented Boyfriend

**prez munroe:** fuck yeah dude congrats!

**matt:** im bringing champagne to ur house rn!

**joshington <3: ** matt ur the light of my life   
but also dont text and drive

**matt:** its chill hannah’s driving   
beth and sammy are with us 2 

**jess:** em and i are on the way!! mike do u need a ride

**prez munroe:** awkward but ya sure

**lady em:** the only awkward one is you michael

**joshington <3: ** hey no fighting   
only celebrating how awesome i am

**chris:** i do that every day 

**ash:** gay

**chris:** Yes

**ash:** also i’m omw too i’m gonna stop and get ice cream!!

**joshington <3: ** im so shook u guys theres gonna be an AWARD on my mantel 

**chris:** we don’t have a mantel 

**joshington <3: ** im gonna have to get a mantel installed for my AWARD

**sammy:** oh lord

**hannah banana:** *perfect day from legally blonde starts playing*

**joshington <3: ** dont text and drive!!!!!!!

**hannah banana:** we’re HERE u nincompoop 

**joshington <3: ** OH   
why didnt u knock

**betharoni:** we have been, buttmunch! 

**joshington <3: ** thats AWARD-WINNING DIRECTOR buttmunch to u

**sammy:** for the love of christ pls just get the DOOR

**chris:** coming omg

**sammy:** chicken man to the rescue

**chris:** SHUT

**joshington <3 changed the group name to Award-Winning Director and Chicken Man (and friends)**

**chris:** >:( 

**Author's Note:**

> some fun facts:  
> 1\. the flat earth conversation and the fat nuts conversation are both pulled directly from one of my group chats IRL, complete with word-for-word quotes. i love finding inspiration for my art in day-to-day life. (or just blame my friend sierra tbh)   
> 2\. i googled "calculator jokes" and let me tell ya, there are Not a lot of them out there. probably for good reason. 
> 
> i still have plenty of ideas for this dumb series, so if u are interested in reading more, pls let me know! or if u have ideas!! even if its just like a dumb meme from tumblr or something. thank u for reading and indulging this nonsense, i love yall to the moon and back xoxo


End file.
